No More Excuses
Zen Wrapped in Karma Dipped in Chocolate by Brad Warner is a funny story about a Zen Master who is just like me & you, struggling to deal with the stresses of loss, job insecurity, crappy relationships, sex, etc. I really liked this book because it talks about the fact that even though spiritual “teachers” or “guides” are spreading the word of spirituality and of their own experience, they are still searching, making mistakes, and struggling to live "better". That’s one thing I also try to convey in my classes and to my students. I am just like you, with all of the good, the bad, and the ugly.
One part of the book talks about excuses and how American’s always feel the need to make them for everything. Why do we, or shall I say I, always feel like I have to make excuses? My big one is when I am running late. While I am in transit, getting later by the second, all I do am doing is thinking about what my excuse is. All of my excuses are true but sometimes I fail to give the full explanation of how I woke up late, got stuck checking emails and left the house too late, stopped at Starbucks, just didn’t want to come in the first place, but it usually comes out this “Well, there was serious traffic", “It took me forever to find a parking space", “I got stuck at work". Like I said these are usually all true and the type of excuse isn’t my point at all, the point is why do I have to give an excuse anyway? Just say nothing. Apologize for being late, period. Right? I think this would really decrease the stress factor around being late in the first place.
One of my friends told me a great story relating to this. She went to Catholic school growing up. One day a she went to a friend’s house for lunch. It was raining out and they were running late getting back to school. Other girls actually arrived late also. The nuns called all the late girls into a room and asked each one-by-one, why they were late. Each one gave an excuse. My friend and her lunch buddy just said, “I’m sorry, we were just late”. They were the only two girls who didn’t get in trouble.
So being late is one thing. There are other situations like when I just don’t want to do something that I have been asked to do. I should just say, “No, sorry I can’t do that for you”. Why do I feel like I need to make an excuse about that or defend or justify it? Is it guilt? Is it because I want people to like me? Because I feel bad? The older I get, the easier it is to just tell it like it is...“Thank you so much for the invite, unfortunately tonight doesn’t work for me”. And that is that.
New lesson being learned….taking care of my needs is not something that needs an excuse.
#noexcuses #yogiclessons #coaching #speakyourtruth #selfcare